Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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