Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
