he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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