keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
