You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
