I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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