i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
