this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
