In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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