I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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