Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
