i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
