My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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