did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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