She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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