They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
