when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
