what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
