CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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