Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
