I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
