you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
