I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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