i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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