I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
