How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
