Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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