hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
