On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
