I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
