I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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