I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
