He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
