the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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