I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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