Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
