May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
