we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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