The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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