____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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