never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
