I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
