Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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