just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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