The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
