My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
