Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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