Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
