i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
