Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
