if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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