he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Your face is a jimmy john
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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