loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
