shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
