He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize