oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
