ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
