I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
