sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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