whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
