I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
