OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
