You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
