i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
