i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
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I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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