Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
