grandma shit on top of the toilet
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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