My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
