There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
