A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
