Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
