I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
