Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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