the condom got lost in my hair
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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