my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
