one two three fourrrrnication!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
