is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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