I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
barbara walters just said penis...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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