Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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