Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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