Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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